All of us have heard the term before and know what it means.
The classic daddy issue defined:
A girl has had a soggy relationship with her absent father which leads to resentment of the relationship. The girl as an adult goes on to find an older man relationship for her protection and safety.
That’s what it was twenty or thirty years ago. It may exist now to both young daughter and young son relationships equally but what is The Real ” Daddy Issue” in this day and age?
The Real Daddy Issue:
Take a step back and another side step. Every child wants to impress their parent. A young child who makes something at school workshop like a toolkit gives it to their father and seeks recognition and acknowledgement. The busy father is eating dinner, reading a newspaper or watching the news hour. The child’s work is unnoticed and ignored. The chip on the shoulder is formed and any other similar events builds into that chip on that shoulder.
Fast forward into adulthood. That adult child carries insecurity. It is entirely up to them if they choose to be captive by that insecurity or find it in themselves to be courageousness enough to move beyond the past and let bygones be bygones.
If they choose to be trapped by the past:
That large chip on the shoulder means they need to seek approval from every blinkin’ relationship they have around them. They will constantly need a father figure in their life regardless if that adult child is fifty years old. They are indecisive, defensive, lack spine and live a life that nobody wants. They become complainers like the ones examined in an earlier post.
If they choose to let bygones be bygones:
That adult child is forced to stare at themselves in the mirror saying they won’t be defined by what has been spoken over them, what they’ve chosen to believe about their upbringing. They need to develop a new outlook on who they are and what strengths individually are theirs that can be built upon. It may take work as it is too easy to blame everyone around them for their own circumstances. They discover themselves and step onwards in a new journey where they develop skills and strengths for only themselves.
The Daddy Issue Explodes:
The strengthened adult child is making better decisions for his/her life. A better job, better outlook, better relationships. Oh no. Good golly. The absent or sad parent can not have that happen. That parent can not have their child succeed greater than them out of fear based on their own insecurities. That parent becomes parenting again and the adult child runs away knowing it’s their life to live.
Has that parent ever apologised for their own past’s doing? No. The insecure child is still waiting. It won’t happen. Relationship breakdown is widened. No one talks with each other.
The successful adult is in a fantastic relationship, life is blossoming around them but acceptance is not given by parents. The only thing to do is divorce. Divorce of who?
Divorcing Parental Relationships
This is the new term. Adult children are divorcing their parents because parents can no longer be respectful of boundaries, their adult child’s choices or because there may even be sibling rivalry within the family going into adulthood.
“The Real Daddy Issue” equates to two parties looking at themselves. It starts with a parent having to acknowledge to themselves that they are still human and make mistakes. They can apologise to children regardless of age.The adult child has to be willing to let go and not hold that parent to account for the rest of their lives.